The Roof, the Roof, the Roof Is … Home To Several Goats

Things not to do at Goats on the Roof Pigeon Forge

In Pigeon Forge where the competition for tourism dollars is fast and furious, you have to do something to stand out from the crowd.

Does that mean develop a luchador mask-wearing Gorilla mascot to help sell Mexican-adjacent food at your new taco stand? Unfortunately, yes.

Does it mean making up elaborate back stories for non-existent grannies to help you sell your “down-home” style restaurant? Yes, of course. It’s what our dear “Granny Mae Ellen Sue Bob Jones” would have wanted.

Does it mean putting live animals on the roof of your business to attract the attention of the naturally curious Smoky Mountain tourists? Apparently so.

What is Goats on the Roof?

Allow me, if you will, a quote from the Goats on the Roof website.

“It’s the goat-feeding-est, goat-coaster-est, gem-mining-est, fudge-eating-est, ice-cream-licking-est, cool-gift-shopping-est attraction in Pigeon Forge!”

In the words of the great philosopher of our generation Ace Ventura, “Alrighty Then”.

Please allow me to translate. Goats on the Roof is a gift shop with a main location on Wears Valley Road and a second location – not very far away – on the main strip. The main location has a mountain coaster, mini-golf, gem mining and sells all the typical stuff you’d find in any tourist shop in town including fudge and ice cream. It’s a nice destination where you can get a lot of Pigeon Forge staples done in one spot.

Also, there are Goats on the Roof.

Why have Goats on the Roof?

Well, the answer to that lies with an iconic Swedish restaurant in Wisconsin, if you can believe that. Al Johnson’s Swedish Restaurant in Door County, Wisconsin began letting goats graze on the sod roof of its restaurant because who doesn’t want to eat Swedish pancakes under a bunch of grass-munching goats?

Believe it or not, the owners of Goats on the Roof in Pigeon Forge got a licensing agreement with Al Johnsons to put goats on the roof of their Tennessee business. I have to believe the licensing agreement is just a show of good faith and karma by the goats on the roof people. Surely, Al Johnson doesn’t actually own the concept of having goats on your roof.

Things not to do at Goats on the Roof?

1. Go to the second location on the strip.

There are questions about Pigeon Forge that – when I’m restless and can’t turn off my brain at night – rattle through my head like pinballs bouncing around the eternal flippers of the mind. Why, for instance, does Pigeon Forge have museums dedicated to the Titanic and Alcatraz? Why are there two Reagan’s Pancake Houses so close together on the strip? Who had the idea for Frizzle’s Chicken Farmhouse and it’s singing animatronic chickens and how many hallucinogens were they on? Why would you go to a Goats on the Roof store that doesn’t, in fact, have Goats on the Roof?

That’s right, the location on the strip – which isn’t very far from the Wears Valley location – doesn’t have any Goats on the Roof. It also doesn’t have the goat coaster or mini-golf. It does have baby goats on site and all the shopping the Wears Valley location has. But, it seems to me, the point of going to a place called Goats on the Roof would be – at least in part – seeing the Goats on the Roof. Why not drive the extra two miles down Wears Valley Road and see the real deal.

2. Try to get on the roof with the goats

The roof is for goats. The ground is for people. They have a little conveyor thing where you can buy goat chow and send it up to the goats – which is a little too close to paying tribute to the goat gods for my liking. You can also go up to the second story and get a closer look at the goats through the window.

3. Play the Jurassic Tymes Mini Golf course

I know I just said one of the reasons to come to the original store rather than the backup is the mini-golf course. But don’t listen to what I said, listen to what I’m saying. There are significantly better mini-golf courses around Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg. If you’re here and want to do a little one stop shopping, there’s nothing wrong with playing the course just don’t expect much bang for your buck.

The course is “themed” with what are essentially giant versions of the little plastic dinosaurs you get a museum gift shops around the world. It isn’t exactly elaborate theming. Also, it’s weird. Didn’t they feed goats to the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park? Are the goats on the roof spooked by plastic apex predators nearby? Wouldn’t it have been better with giant plastic goats in a variety of humorous poses? Goats playing baseball or surfing or that kind of thing?

4. Don’t skip the goat coaster

While the mini golf course is underwhelming, the Goat Coaster – which is very fun to say out loud – is a mile long and can reach top speed of 30 MPH. I’m not saying it’s the best mountain coaster in town but it’s pretty good and you’re there already for the goats.

5. Don’t forget a goat related knick-knack

The whole point of this endeavor is to sell merchandise. But it’s important to pick something that is specific to the Goats on the Roof experience. Don’t just get a souvenir that they sell at dozens of other shops in town. If it were me, I would be selling Don’t Fear the Goat Coaster T-Shirts with a goat playing the cowbell, but I’m different like that.

Have you visited Goats on the Roof? What did you think? Let us know in the comments!