What Not To Do on the Gatlinburg Strip

Gatlinburg’s main street is a world class tourist destination; here are some things to avoid on your visit

For decades, I have been running up and down the strip in Gatlinburg – the stretch of Highway 441 that runs from Ole Red all the way up to Ski Mountain Road. I’ve had some of the best days – and evenings – in the shops and restaurants along that strip. However, I can also see the strip is not perfect.

For instance, there are shops whose endurance boggles the mind. Is there really that much tourist demand for katanas, throwing stars and dragons made of razor blades? Are there that many people demanding blown glass? There are also restaurants that have survived generations in prime locations that you wouldn’t take your worst enemy to.

The Gatlinburg strip – it turns out – is a perplexing and complicated place. With this in mind, here are our best tips for avoiding crucial mistakes.

Don’t do these things on the strip in Gatlinburg

Earthquake the Ride

The great American thinker Huey Lewis once opined that sometimes, “Bad is Bad.” I’m pretty sure he wrote that song about this ride. Sometimes, when things are generally considered bad, there can be some ironic fun in trying them out. Like, we get on and it’s all wink-wink, nudge-nudge, and it’s all so bad that it’s kind of fun. We laugh at the ride’s cheesiness. We get a story to take home. It’s a memory.

But Earthquake the ride – with its 1.7 rating on TripAdvisor and 1.6 on Yelp! – is not one of those rides. It just sucks. The attraction overpromises and under delivers. You do not – in any way – experience the feeling of a “real earthquake.” The story – such as it is – has you experiencing an earthquake disaster while on a subway train. There’s a near miss with a another “train.” The ceiling collapses and suddenly you’re under siege by a menagerie of animals including a gorilla – presumably being transported via subway to the nearest zoo – whose cage busted in the fall.

There are rats and several alligators. Do not spend too much time wondering where in the world one would find a subway in an earthquake prone area that has lots of wild gators nearby. Prices have come down in recent years but unless they’re paying you $8.99 to ride, it’s not worth it.

Eat pedestrian food

There are several places on the strip that belie common sense. Many of these are common places that you could find at home that are in direct competition with better, more interesting places on the strip.

Why, for instance, is there a Subway sandwich shop just across the street from Tennessee Jed’s? Friends, I am not above a Subway sandwich. I had a fine Italian BMT just the other day on a road trip. But to walk into a Subway in the face of artistic majesty such as Tennessee Jed’s is an insult to sandwiches everywhere. Now, I will allow Subway is open significantly later in the day than Jed’s so, we will make certain permissions for when Jed’s is closed. But honestly, you could still do so much better.

That also applies to Shoney’s. Again, I do not turn my nose up to the Shoney’s at home – the breakfast bar is preferred to the dinner menu. But in a place with The Pancake Palace, Crockett’s Breakfast Camp and so many other, better dining establishments, I do not understand how Shoney’s remains open. The real estate is prime, but the food is not. I Google’d the restaurant to check some details and the AI description mentioned that Shoney’s reviews frequently mentioned it was a good place to get away from the crowds. Friends, that is a BAD thing. You want restaurants with crowds. That means people like it.

And why is there a Dairy Queen on the strip? There are so many other places where you can get ice cream – including two in the same complex – that Dairy Queen’s continued existence is confounding.

Finally, and as always, I must mention No Way Jose’s. If you like No Way Jose’s, fine. I make no judgments. Just know it is an affrontery to all that is good in this world.

Try to visit ALL the distilleries and breweries

Moonshine, beer wine and other alcohol makers on the strip are a relatively new development. And as such, several different crawls have been created for people to wander the strip, getting progressively more drunk. I am not a prude. As long as you drink safely and don’t both anyone else, have at it.

However, it’s a lot. Like it’s a LOT. Heck, Ole Smoky has two different spots – The Holler and the Barrelhouse – within a couple of blocks of each other. And that doesn’t include the cannabis shops. Enjoy your drinking. And enjoy your crawl. But don’t be a hero. Don’t try to tackle all of it.

Ripley’s Mirror Maze

The disparity between the quality of the various Ripley’s attractions on the strip is stark. The Aquarium and Ripley’s Believe-It-or-Not? Top shelf. The Mountain Coaster? Very good. The Super Fun Zone? Ok. The Mirror Maze? What are we doing here? Look, if it’s raining and you bought the group ticket, maybe give it a shot. It’s billed as a “never-ending” maze of mirrors, but the building is kinda small. Plan on 10 minutes. Maybe 15 if you lollygag. There’s music. Flashing lights. It’s a hard pass. 

Don’t skip the Village Shops

Am I still mourning my beloved cheese shop? Yes. Yes, I am. Are there many shops in the Village in which I will never set foot? Again, with apologies to Life According to Jake, yes. But the shops are interesting and unique.

Yes, there is a place devoted entirely to socks – and it plays enough of a part in Gatlinburg history that I will always visit. Plus, they have the Donut Friar which is an absolute must do at least once on any Gatlinburg vacation. Will I ever actually buy the kind of expensive artisan Olive Oil at Zi Olive? Probably not. But I like that a world exists in which I might. 

What do you avoid on the Gatlinburg strip? Let us know in the comments!