Southern slang is the pad from which hundreds of middling comedy careers were launched.
Chances are that now โ right now โ if you wandered into some random comedy club in America you could find some third-rung comedian with a Southern accent, or Larry the Cable Guy, doing their best five minutes about when Southerners say bless your heart, itโs an insult.
But in most clichรฉs you can find a kernel of truth. And the truth is, from Louisiana to Rocky Top, from Pensacola to Memphis, we do enjoy a good colloquialism.
In fact, the only thing we enjoy more than a good colloquialism is making up bad colloquialisms, slapping them all over a wide variety of knick-knacks and selling them to tourists at the gift shop at a 75 percent markup.
Weโve gotten so good at it, that itโs harder now to know truth from fiction.
But which Southern phrases are authentic and which ones came about because we all grew up watching Foghorn Leghorn and the Dukes of Hazzard?
This here internet ainโt much help. Google Southern phrases and all manner of little sayings pop up. I call bull on many of them.
One site declared โit doesnโt amount to a hill of beansโ is a Southern saying and then explained it entered the public lexicon when Humphrey Bogart said it at the end of Casablanca.
Iโm sorry, but that donโt make no sense.
A New York-born actor in a movie set in World War II Morocco? That ainโt Southern.
So what are Southern sayings? Well, despite what the marketing geniuses at Cracker Barrel and Jeff Foxworthy think, the South is not a single homogenous place. Itโs like Great Britain, where you can have a wide variety of accents and locally popular sayings in a relatively small area.
Still, if you want to sound like an authentic Southerner we are fixin to explain some phrases that you might not find in Google translate.
1. Bumfuzzled
Bumfuzzled means dazed, confused and bewildered. In one sense, to be bumfuzzled is to have wandered face-first into someone or something so incredibly incoherent or stupid, that it rubs a little off on you.
Like someone struck you a shovel full of dumb and then tried to get you to learn algorithms. Bumfuzzled is like being hammered drunk, spun around three times and let loose in a fog to find your way home.
2. -er than
We love a good simile. This is a true Southern phrase and itโs multi-purpose. And while “madder than a wet hen” may be the most well-known example of the genre, it is a versatile little construction.
Other popular variations include “dumber than a bag of hammers”, “drunker than Cooter Brown” and “hotter than Georgia asphalt” (blue blazes is also acceptable).
A good mild swear on the end is also a frequent go-to. Iโm especially fond of the “-er than dammit”. It works for a lot of situations. You can be drunker than dammit, hotter than dammit or colder than dammit. Now, if you want to graduate to PhD level the Southern way, you start making your own.
But be careful, if youโre not quick on your feet, you can set yourself up for a spectacular crash and burn. Don’t get too big for your britches. Once, a relative was on the phone with someone and tried to tell them how hard it was raining. โItโs raining harder than …โ he said, taking a pause deep enough that it drew painful attention to the fact he had nowhere to go, โ… a cat shaking off fleas.โ
Honestly, Iโve never looked at the man quite the same way again.
3. Yโall and reckon
Weโre not breaking new ground here. Yโall and reckon are included on every greatest hits collection of Southern slang. Theyโre clichรฉ. Theyโre common. But theyโre quite useful.
Back when I was self-conscious about filling Southern stereotypes, I tried to avoid yโall and reckon like the plague. Now, they roll comfortably off my tongue. Reckon so, is a particular favorite. Itโs so much more poetic than I guess so or a simple yes. And, with the right sauce, can be a devastatingly useful sarcasm delivery device.
You folks want to speak good Southern? Put “yโall” and “reckon” in your toolbox and use them.
4. Pitch a fit
This is a tantrum. If someoneโs pitchinโ a fit, they are showing their ass good and proper. If they really kick it up a notch, they might be pitchinโ a hissy fit, but thereโs some gender politics included in using hissy that you might not be comfortable with.
5. The Red Ass
If someoneโs got the red ass, theyโre madder than dammit. Not just angry. Not pissed off.
If someoneโs got the red ass, theyโve got a burr under their saddle and any other little thing might just set them off. If somebodyโs got the red ass, itโs best to just give them a wide berth.
6. Well Iโll be
This is an expression of shock or surprise, presented with an exclamation. It’s a clipped and polite version of the fuller phrase, “Well, Iโll be damned!”
It’s frequently used when something you seriously doubted would happen comes to pass.
โHey, did you hear Johnny graduated high school?โ
โWell, Iโll be.โ
What are YOUR favorite Southern phrases? Let us know in the comments!
Goofy as a box of grapes.
Hotter’n a fresh fried fox in a forest fire.