A local’s advice on the 4 worst rides at Dollywood
In its 40 years, Dollywood has shown a willingness to make the tough decisions to improve the park. If a ride isn’t working for enough guests, Dollywood isn’t afraid to move on. Looking at you, Riverboat Battle. Some sacred cows like the Flooded Mine were taken to the metaphorical slaughterhouse and served as tasty burgers. But that doesn’t mean every Dollywood ride is a banger. There remains at least one legacy ride that lingers because it exists in the so bad it’s good territory. Yes, I’m talking about Blazing Fury.
Do you think they flipped a coin to decide which of the cheesy old rides would survive and Blazing Fury won? I think so. Still, because of its kooky quirkiness and its so-bad-it’s-good cheesiness, I can’t rank it among the worst Dollywood rides. I believe it’s among the best.
And I can’t in good conscience go too heavily on the kids’ rides. I think Dollywood would be better served by taking the space used up by the old carnival and kids’ rides and developing a few Disney-style dark rides. But it would be unfair to denigrate them when my young ones got so much joy from riding in circles inside pigs, bees or ducks.
With this in mind, what are the worst rides in Dollywood? Reader, let’s work the list.
The four worst rides at Dollywood
1. Daredevil Falls
I am old enough to remember the old and slightly rickety log flume ride which means I’m also enough to have chanced death on the Mountain Slidewinder. But maybe it’s time to leave the water rides to the water park. Daredevil Falls – an upgraded log flume ride with a 60-foot drop – isn’t as thrilling as most of the park’s roller coasters. It also doesn’t rank as much of a water ride. This is an old theme park concept that doesn’t seem necessary in today’s version of Dollywood where there are much better drops that don’t leave you walking around the park in squishy pants.
2. Rockin’ Roadway
There was a time when the novelty of getting to drive a mini-car along a railed track was considered top-notch theme park entertainment. That time was appropriate enough for the theme of this ride, 1955. I like the idea of a 50s car ride. That said, how about we get a little more zoom on these cars? I would give up the appearance of driving for a little more zip and a little more adventure. Trackless technology exists in theme parks – though in fairness I’m not sure how well it works outside. Regardless, this ride is just slow and kind of boring. It is not – in any sense of the word – Rockin’.
3. Tennessee Tornado
A classic ride that marked Dollywood’s intention to get serious about coasters, the Tornado plays an important role in Dollywood’s history. It also plays an important role in local chiropractors being able to afford vacation homes. It’s rough. Rough on the back and the neck. And it can often cause headaches. There are hints of a legacy ride upgrade coming to the park and if they could somehow make the Tornado as smooth as a ride like the Wild Eagle, it would be completely worth it.
4. The Lemon Twist
This was a tossup between the Lemon Twist and the Amazing Flying Elephants rides which each opened in 2005 as two straight rip-offs from the Disney parks. While the style of an aerial spinner is nothing unique, Flying Elephants? I mean just call it Bumbo or something. And the Lemon Twist is just the Mad Hatter’s Teacups with slightly different theming. But tea cups win here because the whole idea is just to make you feel dizzy and if we’re being honest, feeling dizzy sucks.
The truth is, that the kiddie ride section of the park could use a significant upgrade and overhaul. With the inventive and modern Wildwood Grove across the park, the carnival section ages less gracefully every year. As long as they don’t mess with the carnival games – those are sacred – I would support a complete overhaul of this area. Reduce the redundancies, keep some carnival classics like the Scrambler and make it as interesting as other – newer – sections of the park.
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